And that beast is called 'Hormones'. And similar to it.
So yeah, this part of life comes pretty normal to most people. Including me. One girl, after another, and another. And none of them ever did play any committing role in my life, other than just talking to me in those times I'm feeling alone. Just when I though that one of them is a bit more special than the rest, it turns out only to be an illusion of the heart.
And those times really suck when I get a bit too close with some of my best girl friends and in the end ruins that friendship for the both of us. I'm more experienced in that part than anyone I know well enough. But still, I can't help but feel that at least one of these girls actually mean to me like I couldn't live without them. Of course, I can't live without any of them. My friends make my world. And for me, that means pretty much literally. I don't know what I would do without my friends. Any form of initiative is actually because of my friends.
I would do my homework if it actually meant something to them. But now, the only thing that matters if I do my homework is to my parents, teachers and myself. I can't believe I would put my friends ahead of myself. Is that nobility, or just a plain messed up priority? I became the president of the Interact Club because I did my work ecstatically, without trying to prove anything to anyone. I know I have it in me that I can be successful if I just do what I have to do; study, work hard, score the exams. But then I keep thinking that there are more important things like making this person happy and such. And I would sacrifice my parents' happiness for my friends' happiness.
I should be thinking that i have my priorities messed up. But of all the things I know, all the things I've learned, all the things I find out unnecessarily, or even important, but not necessary at the time. I just simply don't know how to set my priorities. I keep reading those online guides to better performance on the net but I didn't see how listing down what I had to do on that day and crossing them out one by one would affect my life. Geez, I'm wishing that I get hit with a truck right now. Not because I'm hating life and myself, but I'm hoping for something to knock my senses right.
So yeah, this part of life comes pretty normal to most people. Including me. One girl, after another, and another. And none of them ever did play any committing role in my life, other than just talking to me in those times I'm feeling alone. Just when I though that one of them is a bit more special than the rest, it turns out only to be an illusion of the heart.
And those times really suck when I get a bit too close with some of my best girl friends and in the end ruins that friendship for the both of us. I'm more experienced in that part than anyone I know well enough. But still, I can't help but feel that at least one of these girls actually mean to me like I couldn't live without them. Of course, I can't live without any of them. My friends make my world. And for me, that means pretty much literally. I don't know what I would do without my friends. Any form of initiative is actually because of my friends.
I would do my homework if it actually meant something to them. But now, the only thing that matters if I do my homework is to my parents, teachers and myself. I can't believe I would put my friends ahead of myself. Is that nobility, or just a plain messed up priority? I became the president of the Interact Club because I did my work ecstatically, without trying to prove anything to anyone. I know I have it in me that I can be successful if I just do what I have to do; study, work hard, score the exams. But then I keep thinking that there are more important things like making this person happy and such. And I would sacrifice my parents' happiness for my friends' happiness.
I should be thinking that i have my priorities messed up. But of all the things I know, all the things I've learned, all the things I find out unnecessarily, or even important, but not necessary at the time. I just simply don't know how to set my priorities. I keep reading those online guides to better performance on the net but I didn't see how listing down what I had to do on that day and crossing them out one by one would affect my life. Geez, I'm wishing that I get hit with a truck right now. Not because I'm hating life and myself, but I'm hoping for something to knock my senses right.
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